My Jack...

You know you want to pinch this little bum!!!

Big boy pajamas!!! Brian thinks they are pointless, but I love them and want him to wear jammers forever!
oh, yeah, he's a ham!

My Little Big Boy

Jackson is now 11 months old, and a day. Wow. One year is approaching faster than I can blink. Jackson can now stand alone; he has two bottom teeth; he will play patty cake independently and will even roll it up and roll it up! He will throw both arms in the air to Praise Jesus; Jackson loves to wave bye-bye to himself and any time someone claps, Jack will clap right along with them! He loves bath time and we do not fall asleep without his sleepy time CD - it is a miracle worker!
He is growing up so fast...
He will be a monkey for Halloween!

Pictures are soon to come!

Blog: an online journal
Tonight - no one exists but my thoughts and this journal.
I have always kept a journal. Always. I have about twenty of them from seventh grade up to this current point in time. I have always been one to express my thoughts or feelings or events in some kind of written form. (never mind the boundaries of grammatical structures, as an English teacher, I will say that the very "rules" to our language limit us to our freedom within writing...almost as if our grammatical structures paralyze our thoughts. I know that there have been times when I have been unwilling to publish a sentence for fear it does not fall within the correct structure of our language; however, I will acknowledge that knowing these "limitations" is very important in succeeding as a functioning adult in society. Grammar teacher - not so much. Writing teacher - absolutely.

Alright, so I have only babbled all of this to give me an excuse for writing horribly. I can't help it. I always have and I always will. I know who my readers are, and I know that there are going to be a few things that I broach in this blog or journal that is close and personal to me. I need to get it out...and I am not so sure doing this online is the safest thing...but here goes nothing....

I am at a turning point in my life.

The Road Not Taken

You know, Robert Frost...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20

The traveler in this poem is certain about the choice that he has made...I find myself so lost somehow in the roads of my life.
I have known, confidently, that my life has headed in the direction I have intended for it...but, therein lies the problem..."the direction I intended"
I have been faced, yet again, with two roads...and be one traveler...I am standing and staring and waiting and longing for the road for which I need to take - for it to pick me.
For so long now, I have shielded myself from "some" reality told to me. Have I even lived? DO I even know who I am and where I am in life? Has my pregnancy and post depression knocked me into a realm of life that really doesn't exist.
I am so confused at what I thought would be now and always, is suddenly a mirage? Again, where did I go? So much of what I thought I was or am or would be is shattered into zillions upon zillions of pieces. (slight exaggeration)

I can only pray that God has lassoed me into his heart and is now, and yet again, molding me into the person He created.

What God has brought together, let no man part
what if...
what two men have brought together, God will depart...(men, being politically incorrect)

Just as my brain works - an abrubt ending for you:

My bed is now calling and my thoughts have finally been placed into some unknown blogging world...or void...or journal...

Do not be confused - this is a positive post...
Still, even as I re-read, I make not one bit of sense...I apologize for that...

Please pray for me as I make my spiritual growth with Christ.

I have to say...

I have to say quickly that if it weren't for my God, my husband, our church, and my family...that I would be incapacitated right now...I would have fallen off the edge. There is no way I could face my days without Jesus holding my hand, entering the room before me, and breathing before I breathe. It would be impossible.

**Please note that I have been drafting this post since mid-September...yes, it's been that crazy.**

I miss my blog world. I miss my mornings with my sweet, sweet Jack. The time that I had with him went by so fast. During those amazing seven months, I didn't want to be anywhere else except for right next to him. Things are so different now. Brian spends the mornings with him while I entertain the thought of not having any behavioral problems...the thought quickly diminishes when I hear the students leave the lunchroom and make way to their first period class. Australia was covered in a huge dust storm the other day. A normally sunny and beautiful Sydney sky was covered in red dirt.

I like to think of my school that way.

It is so clear and beautiful when I sit in my room to plan...and then, just like that huge red cloud crept over Australia and settled itself, the first bell rings and the students slowly creep in and flood the halls, classrooms, bathrooms, etc. and there is no longer clear thoughts or clear visions....it all becomes very cloudy. I am learning that at this school, it is one thing after the next, after the next, after the next. It may take me ten minutes to get the kids focused and ready to start class, and then another five minutes to remind them that they should have paper and a pen out, and then another five while they retrieve their supplies, and now twenty minutes has gone by and I can finally begin my lesson...only to be interrupted by the guidance counselor who needs tests and homework and such for a student who might be referred to this thing or that and then after the first interruption another five more minutes to settle the class again only to hear the phone ring and have the In-House teacher asking me for work for this student or that student, and yet another five minutes later and I have all of 15 minutes to teach a Before strategy, During strategy, and an After strategy, while covering the course of study objectives and ARMT specs. Did I mention that our class periods are only 45 minutes? (yes, I know those sentences were grammatically incorrect...) Did I mention that I have had a desk tossed at me and I have stood in the middle of two, bigger than me, girls during my 8th grade English class and broke up a fight that they were about to start?

I'm brave.

Not really. Not really brave at all. Most of the evenings are spent in a fetal position rocking back and forth telling myself and praying that God put me at this school for a purpose, a purpose greater than I will ever understand, I'm sure.

Don't misunderstand my thoughts here, I am being a little cynical...I need this break. It is now Fall Break and I am so thrilled to be home with my husband and son during this week. I need to recover. I need to cope with some of the things I have been faced with. I am such a naive little girl that has never lived in the kind of homes that some of my students live in...I need this break to breathe and decide what Jackson's 1st birthday party theme will be and scrub my baseboards...I love to clean my baseboards...I am happy that it is finally here...I am ready for this break. It only occurred to me just two weeks ago that I need this week to refocus and dedicate my thoughts to my God and our family...oh, just to get a grasp on things again...
I love the school that I teach in, I love the students that are in my class, I love the fact that I am at this school instead of being at any other...but I need this break.

I hope to post pictures this week of the past month. Jack is so big.

So cute.

It is easy to forget that I am so very blessed.

School Rules

I can't even begin to explain the amazing challenge of teaching at my new school. It really is an amazing challenge. I don't even think those two words do this school and my experience thus far any justice. I can tell you that I am in love with teaching! Each day is like Christmas morning. Every class period is a new package, wrapped so very nicely just for me. Some presents are good and some presents aren't that good...you wouldn't want to re-gift the bad presents!Just like Christmas, sometimes it all goes exactly the way your family hopes and sometimes it doesn't. I literally take each day as it comes.
Today I am staying late to get ahead...can you tell I'm really getting ahead?


After typing that sentence, I returned to my school work and did not complete the blog. I guess I snapped out of it. It is all I can do to keep my head above water these days. Fortunately, my time staying late on Tuesday allowed me to be able to finish my post this morning. Thursday. Nonetheless, I am caught up with my lesson plans for the week and this makes me so, so happy. I don't think I realized that I would be teaching FOUR different preps when school started. I was too focused on the fact that I got the job!! Two weeks into school, It became so clear to me, as if it were slapping me in the face every 5 minutes, how far behind I really was!
An establish teacher can go to their millions upon millions (slight exaggeration) of lesson plans, make a few copies and be set for the week. Not this gal. Nope. Everyday is a new day! I am so happy that I am ahead, even if it is only by one day!

On the Move and into Everything

These pictures were taken about a month ago!







He is our big boy!