Blog: an online journal
Tonight - no one exists but my thoughts and this journal.
I have always kept a journal. Always. I have about twenty of them from seventh grade up to this current point in time. I have always been one to express my thoughts or feelings or events in some kind of written form. (never mind the boundaries of grammatical structures, as an English teacher, I will say that the very "rules" to our language limit us to our freedom within writing...almost as if our grammatical structures paralyze our thoughts. I know that there have been times when I have been unwilling to publish a sentence for fear it does not fall within the correct structure of our language; however, I will acknowledge that knowing these "limitations" is very important in succeeding as a functioning adult in society. Grammar teacher - not so much. Writing teacher - absolutely.

Alright, so I have only babbled all of this to give me an excuse for writing horribly. I can't help it. I always have and I always will. I know who my readers are, and I know that there are going to be a few things that I broach in this blog or journal that is close and personal to me. I need to get it out...and I am not so sure doing this online is the safest thing...but here goes nothing....

I am at a turning point in my life.

The Road Not Taken

You know, Robert Frost...

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth; 5

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same, 10

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I marked the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way
I doubted if I should ever come back. 15

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I,
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference. 20

The traveler in this poem is certain about the choice that he has made...I find myself so lost somehow in the roads of my life.
I have known, confidently, that my life has headed in the direction I have intended for it...but, therein lies the problem..."the direction I intended"
I have been faced, yet again, with two roads...and be one traveler...I am standing and staring and waiting and longing for the road for which I need to take - for it to pick me.
For so long now, I have shielded myself from "some" reality told to me. Have I even lived? DO I even know who I am and where I am in life? Has my pregnancy and post depression knocked me into a realm of life that really doesn't exist.
I am so confused at what I thought would be now and always, is suddenly a mirage? Again, where did I go? So much of what I thought I was or am or would be is shattered into zillions upon zillions of pieces. (slight exaggeration)

I can only pray that God has lassoed me into his heart and is now, and yet again, molding me into the person He created.

What God has brought together, let no man part
what if...
what two men have brought together, God will depart...(men, being politically incorrect)

Just as my brain works - an abrubt ending for you:

My bed is now calling and my thoughts have finally been placed into some unknown blogging world...or void...or journal...

Do not be confused - this is a positive post...
Still, even as I re-read, I make not one bit of sense...I apologize for that...

Please pray for me as I make my spiritual growth with Christ.